left behind

So, it's March, my favorite month of the year just because it's my birthday month!\

I used to be really excited for my birthday, imagining loads of presents, birthday cakes, that joy when I look at my loved ones who bothered to celebrate my birthday for me each and every year and think to myself: birthdays are the best days in life, cause it's that one day where you feel right in the centre of attraction, like you really matter to everyone, that you're loved and that's just one of the best feelings on earth.

But I guess time changed me, no longer am I as excited about my birthday as I had been, say 6 years ago.
birthdays began to feel like a yearly reminder about how I am growing up, how my loved ones are growing old, how I should really cherish each fleeting moment as they'll eventually fade away and also to not regret anything that I do (or don't try).
childhood used to be so easy, so simple, so happy and blissful. The most worrying thing on my mind would usually be minor issues such as how should I break the news of my failed chinese spelling test to my parents, or that I've secretly bought an album and was found out.
Now that I'm almost 19, I don't know why but somehow the magic of childhood has worn down and I'm starting to finally face reality, and it's a scary place out there.
I guess I have been rather fatigued by numerous issues recently, so I really don't feel anything for my birthday since it's nothing but a random day in the calendar, yet another day that I would forget in a matter of days.

Some has asked me what I would want for my birthday, and this year my head went blank. I didn't need anything, nor did the things that I want could be bought with merely money.
If I could wish with all my might, I would really want to be happy every single day and find solutions to lift the troubles that have been weighing on my heart.
If only.

Let's hope that March would turn out to be a wonderful month. ❤