hollow hearts

I have no idea why, but I feel so empty all of a sudden.
Maybe it's just mood swings, maybe it's cause I'm listening to slow songs (red).
or maybe it's just my heart reminding me of how empty and hollow I actually feel right now.
No answers to the question: why?
I guess I just need a bright spark in my life right now and it's pretty dull recently.
can't wait to move on to a happier part of life.

alright xoxo.

only know you love her when you let her go

Returned home from Jean Grey steamboat organized at Alson's house just now.

It's kinda surprising how we did not think that the group could last for such a long time but look at how far we have gone now ❤

So glad to have courage to take an unexpected step forward. 

                   \

Just like OIP, no regrets for joining camphobic!

sister left SG and is heading to Taiwan already, oh man imma be so lonely this week :-( BUT NVM I WILL SURVIVE.

and I realize that I've always thought of myself as really unlucky and lonely, but tbh I feel really happy today. Like, loved and blessed to have all my family and the giraffe and friends with me :-)

Happiness can be that simple :-)

Start

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE 

a brand new start for a brand new year, fingers and toes crossed that 2014 would be more amazing than 2013 ❤

Internship is in 2 months time, and tbh I'm kinda scared that I'll not do well/be really lonely/meet horrible people/hate the 6 months of my final year in poly.

But oh well, I guess I'll just have to suck it up and hope for the best! I mean 6 months would fly pass real quick right? and I should really stay positive haha.

2013 has been such a rollercoaster ride.

I entered my second year of poly life.
officially got together with kx ❤

celebrated my first valentine's day with a valentine 

first time going to SEA aquarium with xy (yay bd treat!)

& my 18th birthday (❤)

with le family and BAOC friends too <3


Joined BAOC where I tried my best not to be an awkward SC (heheh)

first time gg to USS with family!

officially became an exco member in Primers

and enjoyed POC

but hated NDP

okay maybe I hated the whole thing but the group members were alright :-)

and left Primers (the cca was getting so suffocating and I felt so unhappy seeing the mentors unhappy about me so that was fine)

 

Met my awesome girlfriends 

 

went to Tianjin for OIP, thinking of the worst

but I enjoyed it so much I think it was the best overseas trip I have ever been to in my life ❤

visited the great wall of china (one thing off my bucket list!)

 

it was so fun we didn't really wanna come back HAHAHA.

entered the Directors' List for the first time (yay but this sem confirm cmi)

celebrated my sister's 21st birthday

and she had 2 parties lol

and my uncle's wedding (finally!)

oh but my New Year's Eve ytd was kinda sad. Spent the night alone baking at home and I was utterly feeling like a loser.

But sister and her bf got home and kinda accompanied me a little which made me feel a bit better.

And then there was a knock on the door at 11++pm and I opened the door after sis & her bf said they didn't know who it was.

sooooooooo yeah I was grinning like a fool when I saw that it was kx ❤❤❤❤❤

like I have never expected him to surprise me since he had a whole day of work and he had a curfew so yeah but it was such an awesome surprise :-)

Tho I was kinda sleepy so I looked emotionless/grumpy hahaha.

and HE BOUGHT ME HIGH SOCIETY CUPCAKES which are damn expensive and he must have spent half his pay for that day on the cakes and taxi ride home :-( 

.

which brings me to realize how 2013 was a really different year.

I used to be kinda alone, since my circle of friends were kinda small (I'm an awkward human since god knows when) and sometimes I just feel a little empty when this little circle that I relied on so much didn't seem to have a similar schedule to meet up.

And somehow, my poly life seems to be a little lacking cause I never had a really strong clique. Yes, I had friends. But for some reason, I just couldn't find someone that could click with me really well. I felt lonely, really lonely.

I always wondered whether there was a problem with me, maybe I was too quiet, too scared to open up, or I felt inferior to others. Till now I have no idea, but I'm just trying to open up a bit more.

But this year changed my life, cause kx and I got together and for some reason I felt such a strong sense of security and belongingness.

Never would I have to keep everything unhappy to myself, when I feel upset and need someone to just let it all out, he was just a phone call away. And many times he would be right by my side no matter how far he initially was.

It always surprises me when I realize how much he wants me to be happy.

There were so many instances where I felt such an amazing feeling of pure bliss. It wasn't anything major, just this warm and fuzzy feeling that lights up your soul. Like surprising me with some flowers, helping me wash my dishes and instructing me to do nothing but sit on the couch, eating food that he hates just because I love them.

So yeah, 2013 has been really different. Amazingly different.