Rainy days

I love them. 

The smell of the rain, the feeling of light droplets touching your skin, the little melody it makes as it lands on your umbrella. 

It makes me wanna just leave everything behind and just stare out into nothing. 

Ps: bringing my new baby out with me! 

Xoxo, Amanda. (Promising myself to lose the 2-3kg I've gained and also to blog real soon!) 

klutz

so I actually did the dumbest thing last Saturday,
I was showing this guest to diff rooms cause he couldn't make up his mind (wts) just when we were almost gonna head home.
And at the final room which had a small but steep flight of stairs, I actually lost my balance, rolled down the stairs, twisting my ankle and torn a bit of my ligament LOL.
it was swollen like a balloon and it was so painful the wind in my lungs got knocked out for a long while and I had to sit on the floor, gasping like a goldfish out of water.
All the time the guest was with me in the room. LOL DAMN AWKWARD, he was terribly sorry for causing me to fall (cause hes so troublesome) but terribly nice for helping me up and telling me to take my time to hobble back to the lobby with him, always giving me a helping hand.
LUCKILY I GOT A NICE GUEST THERE. Some guests would complain that I was unprofessional I just know it.
struggled back to the lobby, went home early (without much sympathy from anyone apart from my housekeeping colleague. Figures.) and cabbed home.

the next day: doctors, MC, and chinese sinseh session that ended with loads of tears.
till now I can't walk properly and I'm so worried my long MC would affect my grading. sigh.

BUT the main purpose of this blogpost was because through this incident I realize the ones that really cared about me and loved me so much,
My parents were so so worried and cared for me like I am a princess, not allowing me to walk around too much, applying medicine for me at 5am, bringing me to the doctors and researching for the best sinsehs to visit.
My sister actually instructed me not to walk about and helped me grab everything I needed, and every night she would ask if I was alright.
and KX spent his entire day with me ytd, even tho I acted like the most spoilt brat and demanded him to do this and that, he did it with no complaints and I think I might just be the luckiest girl ever.

kbye, still contemplating whether I should go to work tmr. I mean, its healing but I still can't walk normally. let alone in heels...... OH SIGHPIE LIFE'S TOUGH.

truth

Recently, I've been feeling pretty damn bad.
It's like my soul's a little lost, not knowing where to find my bearings in life. I feel really lost, really helpless, really down.
Work hasn't been exactly kind to me, I feel like a constant fool and it's a struggle to muster a real smile on my face every single day. Only when work has really ended would I finally heave a sigh of relief and feel pure joy of not having to feel like a worthless and lonely fool.
It's like a constant battle. A battle fought with only me by my side. I always try to stay positive, telling myself that tomorrow's gonna be a better day, yet deep down inside I know that's nothing but a lie.
I was hoping that the people would be nice, patient and kind, yet their stares feel like icicles in my heart and I'm constantly worrying of offending them. They always asked me why I was so unsure of myself, why did I seem so unhappy. Truth is, I don't know.

My mind is a whirlwind of confusion.

That's why I'm constantly disappearing, always hiding in the warmth and comfort of the hkp office, where I know I'm in control and everyone cares about one another.
I should be trying to bond with the FO people, yet somehow it's tough. So tough when no one seems to be true.
Right now, I don't know what I should do.

Luckily I know I'll always have my boy to depend on.
God knows how I'll do without him, he's just like my anchor, the one constant in my life.

So much emotions running through me today.
Goodnight, let's hope tomorrow would be a better day.

XOXO.